Dear Leah B.,

Why is loyalty important, how do you tell your friend you don’t think she’s loyal?


Loyalty Matters

Dear Loyalty Matters, 




  • the quality of being loyal to someone or something.
  • strong feeling of support or allegiance.

allegiance, faithfulness, obedience, adherence, homage, devotion; More

The above definition is what Google tells me loyalty is however, in my community we learned lessons of loyalty early on and usually from a violation of loyalty that resulted in an ass whipping; our scale of loyalty was based on the consequence.   Usually there are two types of loyalty, friends and family or significant other. For this instance, we’re talking friends and family.  

Let’s identify why you think your friend isn’t loyal:

1. What exactly is she doing to make you doubt her loyalty?

2. Is she going behind your back and talking down about you or telling your personal

    business to people?

3. Has your trust been blatantly broken based on something you witnessed?

    Has the violation observed been brought to their attention previously or on numerous    


If you are able to yes to any of these questions, a courageous conversation is warranted. 

Unfortunately, you’re going to have to pull out your detective hat because who the fuck admits to any of the things mentioned? Nobody!

Don’t get spun! “I did that because…” or “I was trying…” get the fuck outta here, you’re suspect…

Inform the person of the behavior that made you question their loyalty and then be very honest about how it makes you feel. At that point, based on the response received you have to decide if you want to continue with the friendship, alter it, or dissolve it. I urge you to carefully consider which option you go with, don’t act based on immediate emotion. Take a couple of days to process your friend’s response, quite often we react off of emotion and in hindsight are able to identify a different course of action that could have been taken; ego kicks in and even if we are in the wrong we stick with the decision because we don’t want to look “stupid”. Don’t make impulsive decisions, its ok to properly process a response and then make a well thought decision. 

Good Luck!~

Leah B.