Dear Leah B.,

I have a male family member that’s involved in a crazy situation and I don’t know what to tell him to do. My cousin “Dave” and his long  term/ live-in girlfriend “Lisa” were awakened one night by Lisa in excruciating abdominal pain. Of course Dave is scared to death because Lisa is locked in a fetal position screaming and he’s asking her “What’s wrong?” Lisa’s response was “I’m in labor, I was raped”.

Hold on…What?

She claims she didn’t know until that very moment. They go to the hospital and have a baby. Dave gets the number of the alleged rapist and calls to confront him. Dude says the sex was consensual and he used a condom so it can’t be his.Dave is devastated.This is not Dave’s first child with Lisa; She “didn’t know” she was pregnant with the first child until she was in labor too.

I don’t know what to say to Dave.


Sincerely,

WTF? Philly

Dear WTF?, 

At the end of reading this I have multiple responses. First does Dave need me to refer him to a moving company? I don’t know who’s residence they reside in, don’t know if its her house or his but either way, somebody needs to move. If its his house, she’s the fuck outta there. If its her house, he needs to be the fuck outta there. Call Tyrone and em’ cause somebody need a ride.

I have MULTIPLE questions, the bad part is you can’t answer them for me. I NEED answers!

  1. Who, When, and Where?
  2. Who did she tell? Please don’t say nobody, because nope!
  3. She didn’t tell her boyfriend?
  4. I’m assuming she know’s this person, how did Dave get this person’s phone number?
  5. She didn’t know that she was pregnant for 9 months? No period, no nothing?
  6. So, this is the second pregnancy that she wasn’t able to detect before entering into labor?
  7. Did he get a DNA test on either of these children?
  8. So are their respective families supposed to rally around them in the attempt to make this a normal addition to their family?
  9. Is it possible to stay with someone that can lay next to you night after night with 2 life changing secrets?
  10. What do you tell your other child? How do you explain just walking in with a new baby?

I can go on and on so I’ll stop now.

She’s full of shit.

True rape victims would he horrified by a loose claim of rape to hide infidelity. I would not be surprised if this is not her first accusation of this type against another man.

I highly suggest Dave gets a paternity test for both children and begin to employ the Plan B that I like to believe everyone has in their back pocket while in a relationship. On one hand you have your partner that claims she’s been raped and now a new mother as a result of this “rape” and on the other hand the accused who provided his version that is drastically different. I wouldn’t even try to figure it out soley based on the fact that she kept something as serious as rape from her partner for 9 entire months.  Let a judge sort through the imaginary bullshit. That is if she’s willing to repeat that bullshit out loud to someone other than your cousin. My guess is no. She gave up some ass 9 months ago and this is the result. The bad part is someone got hurt in the process and I fear that more people will be hurt by the end of this situation. If paternity is established which I suspect won’t be, he should get assistance from the courts for child support and visitation. If paternity is not established for either child, you know what to tell Dave.

Tell Dave to move the fuck on.

Leah B.