Dear Leah B.,
Tell me how a person can think it’s ok to contact an old flame after 16 years and expect them to drop everything for a romantic rendezvous? When we met 16 years ago, he was separated and I was in the midst of a divorce. He had no plans to divorce as his kids were young. I moved on. He checks in with me every so often over the years to check on my relationship status. I’ve been in a committed relationship for the last 15 years, yet he keeps trying and thinks I should entertain him anyway. I tell him to “take a hike” every time he contacts me and then he gets nasty. I usually keep him on the blocked list on my phone until recently when I bought a new phone and the block didn’t transfer to the new phone. Tell me how?
Really Irritated in Philly
Dear Really Irritated in Philly,
I’m gonna tell you how…This old flame is a creature of habit and familiarity. He’s like a dog that keeps rechecking the yard for buried bones. My advice depends on a couple of factors; do you enjoy the attention from a man that never seems to stop pursuing you? Some women do, they get a small thrill out of being “disturbed” by someone from the past that just can’t let go. If so, just stick with the same game plan, let him check in, reject him and then block him for a while. The problem with that is, you run the risk of your current boyfriend finding out about it if he doesn’t already know about the calls and becoming hurt or upset at your lack of ability to deter the behavior. All kinds of trust issues can result from situations like these that are too lengthy to mention here but most importantly, is this old dog worth the aggravation for even the smallest temporary flattery?
Now, if you don’t get off on the attention, stop it now. You have to remain firm, he’s a man so he’s always hunting, and obviously doesn’t have a problem with revisiting the graveyard of past relationships! Don’t accept his behavior on any level and it will taper off. The occasional entertainment of the phone calls and repeated explanation that you’re in a committed relationship followed by his nastiness is the first opportunity to stop him dead in his tracks. As soon as you recognize his voice on the phone, Say “Tom, I told you I’m in a relationship and I’m not interested. If you don’t want to hear it from me, I can have my boyfriend explain it to you” and immediately hang up. Don’t give him a chance to even blink before he hears the phone disconnect. That should be sufficient for him to stop; no man wants to have another man tell him to stop calling his girlfriend. It’s humiliating and pathetic to say the least.
Next, keep your block game strong. Blocks not carrying over to a new phone is a rookie mistake in the block game! First rule of blocking, Never ever ever ever eva eva eva, delete a number! Always rename by characteristic, if he has a small dick or its uncircumcised rename it Don’t Answer Lil Man or Don’t Answer Uncircumcised. That way when your contacts are transferred to your new phone, their new number will transfer too. Once you figure out how to block someone on your new phone all you have to do is go down the list of D’s for Don’t Answer_____________ numbers to add to the block list. Simple right?!
Lastly, stay vigilante. A person that you’ve repeatedly rejected over an expansive timeframe that remains persistent should always raise a red flag in the danger department. People are crazy and when they display small signs, pay attention. If you ever feel you are in real danger, alert your boyfriend at that point, safety trumps hurt feelings and the more people that know the better. Stay safe out there!